do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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