I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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