blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
