Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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