I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I puked a lego.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
