Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
