There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
