Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
