I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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