I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize