I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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