i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I forget how to act sober
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