I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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