Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
