I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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