Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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