It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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