My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Operation Purity has been aborted
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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