apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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