I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
