Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Couch. On fire.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
