The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
