Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
don't judge my taste in strippers
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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