The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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