i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
