This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
