I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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