RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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