i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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