I just pynch a tree in the face
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
