he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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