too bad you live with your parents still
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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