You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize