somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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