Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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