she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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