on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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