just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
