I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
