Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize