just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
