I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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