I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
