so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
