Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
