The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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