You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
