the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize