You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
