So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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