Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
