Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
