Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
