You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
