I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
did you just send me my own nude
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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