help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize