I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
