Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
