I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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