he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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