i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
