at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize