Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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