The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
