We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize