My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
