i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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