We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
